عند الزيتونة.. حرية
لم يكن لأبي بندقية
كان لديه
أرض وقلم وزيتونة وقضية
علمني أن الزيتونة
أرض وقلم وزيتونة وقضية
علمني أن الزيتونة
ذكرى المقابر السنوية
ومعلم لأمي منذ آخر مقبرة جماعية
علمني أن القلم يعمل كبندقية
وأن الأرض هي القضية
والموت لأجلها حرية
علمني أنّي رجل
يرسم بالقلم بنادق
ويرفعها بوجه الدورية
علمني حين أخاف
أن أهرع إلى الزيتونة
وأحمل القلم وأرسم
حتى تزول المروحية
وما عاد هناك من يعلمني
وما عاد هناك من يعلمني
فقد دفنوا أبي في قبر
يخلو من الحجر والأبجدية
فحدثت أولاد قريتي
وما هو يوم
حتى تحول كل قلم إلى بندقية
وما هي ساعة
حتى فجروا قريتنا بوحشية
وأبادوا أسلحتنا النووية
فانبتت الزيتونة مقبرة جماعية
بجانبها
قلم ورسمة
وجثة طفل بلا هوية
6/2007
10170
. . . . . . .
17 comments:
kter 7elweh , bas bede 2a2olek shagle, awalha el kafyeh akalt el nas shway 7awle tet7arare we tba3de been el kafyeh, we tane she jarbe oktobeha kesa kasera shofe keef btetla3 ma3e, talet sho sho el rakam 10170 ele ta7t el tareekh 0_o. 7lo we estamere dayman heek :)
Sara7a mn el a5er!!! like always although u already know my opinion bas maybe sha3'ket el kafeyeh feha hek o hek ya3ni momken tkoon sa7 o momken nos nos, bas maybe eza ederte toktobe wa7deh taweleh maybe then u can change el kafeyeh mn fakara la tanieh!!! jst an opinion :) o sha3'let el rakam hay elle 7ka 3leha ramez shway momte3a 3shan el fodool ;) jameleh el 7rakeh lool, good job ---> UP UP UP UP UP as always ;)
3la rassi sha3banooo w Viva palestine (7asseti inni kara2t-ha kamlh ;) ) miss u jara .
ramez:
thanks, about the kafyeh i'll try to work it out better next time :) i do try it on the ears, if i found it ok i go ahead otherwise i add words to make the sound on again. & the story? well..am not sure about that, i think it will ruin the idea that i was trying to reach in there. i just want it as short & simple like this. :)
hmm about the number lol! its not that deal, its my name in arabic wirtten in numbers.. i use it as a logo.. as this: |0|)0 or as: 10170 ;)
anas:
sara7a.. thanks (mn el akher) hehe ;) .. al kafye i will give it more attention next time & yeah i believe the more this type of wiritng is longer the more el qafyeh is stronger. & about the number i think weslatak :D walaw kan 3eb tes2al..beacuse supposedly u already know :D lol! thanks for the comment. 3o2bal my comments on ur posts. ;)
dandonaton..thanks ya jar. allah ykhaliek. & ViVa 3arab ;) ;)
nseet a7kelek shagleh hay ma fhemtha
حتى فجروا قريتنا بوحشية
وأبادوا أسلحتنا النووية
ay asle7a nawawyeh ?
AMAZING , i wish i can write like this :( , again , this is amazing . great work
ramez:
(sela7 nawawi) was a way of sarcasm.. how do the zionists fear every single thing even kids. those kids made their pencils be their guns & so they were thrown with fires under the charge (asle7a nawawieh). every word above leads to the meaning. you can get it the way you want :)
lafi: thanks loads.. & you can write better than that, give it a shot & try .. :)
heyy..ts agr8 one..e7sasik kteer 7lo mn zman ts gr8 nd honest..iwish ican show my nationality da way u show t to pple.gr8 ideas..goooo jar w keep i dat way.mwafa2a
reem!!
ahlan ahlan ;)
now i turned all in red, that was soo sweet :D 3la ra2se
well! abt this.. i disagree with ramez.. marams in here used kafye 2a5erha sokoon.. bl 3ade this type of kafye bekoon t2eel 3l sama3 shway and hard to stay in mind and el ranne el moose8eye eli feeh shway t2eele bardo.. so el ta8arob bl kafye bl awwal kan daroori 3shan to let the reader feel bl na3'am! if she didnt do that it'll be 8aseede with almost no kafye.. wl poems eli zai heek sara7a msh poem m3 e7terami la kul eli boktobo heek.. eli bektobi with no kafye o be7ko inu she3er yroo7o ydawru 3a other kinds of writing bl arabic..
anyway el fekra lal poem 7elwe.. bet3abber 3n sth jameel.. bt, el words eli used lal kafye mbayneen sometimes 7ashoo o inhum zyade mu b maw8e3hum m3 inhum be3abro 3n el fekra.. marams u gotta make it easy going o inu y7es el reader inu the last word of el kafye is an essential word that cant be ommited!
yr style is easy going! and the endings r the best btween many writers.. if there was a competition lal endings noone betla3 ma3aki beras feehum ;)
thanks! lol.. but about the last words in each sentence, well i put them for a reason each one holds a meaning i wana reach. & esp. in this one :) & about the qafeyee she3er nowadays is defined in soo many many different ways, & i dont like it but it exists. some ppl dont consider al qafye is any longer essential in (she3er 7or).. i totally disagree with that & i agree with u to a cetain point.
thanks for passing by rami afandi.. i knew it was you :P "smarty me" lol
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